Worst in Me - Julia Micheals ... & my Saturday.

Today, I had a session with my therapist. It is now at its 9th session. She records our sessions and that helps her to analyze my situation.

There were a lot to talk about in 1 hour. This time around, was no different. I shared with her my feelings and filling her with what happened during the weeks.

After our sharing/therapy, it helps me to get a moment of clarity in my life.

To be honest, I am really trying to hold on and invest in something that has no hope or future. I know that. I recognize that. But, I am still trying. I still make excuses for him. I continue to help him or bail him out of things by giving him the solution; a.k.a the money.

I am trying... to row us to land. It feels like we have been put in this boat in the middle of the sea for a long time.

Anyways... now, I am just waiting for him to come pick me up, while typing this out. And, listening to "Worst in Me by Julia Michaels"... and I feel like sharing the lyrics here.

"Yeah

Remember when I used to be happy for you?
You could go out with your female friends and I'd be totally fine
Remember when you used to be happy for me?
You celebrate all my success without crossing a line

Now, it's like we're scared of getting good
'Cause we know the truth is that we could
Yeah, we know that we might actually work
And the truth is that we could

But maybe it's the worst in me
That's bringing out the worst in you
I know we can fix these kinks
But the worst in me doesn't want to work on things
But the best of me wants to love you
But the worst in me doesn't want to

Ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah

It's almost like I've gotten so used to resentment
That every annoying little thing you say has lost its effect
It's almost like it's made you a little bit bitter
When I don't always react the way you expect

It's like we're scared of getting good
'Cause we know the truth is that we could
Yeah, we know that we might actually work
And the truth is that we could

But maybe it's the worst in me
That's bringing out the worst in you
I know we can fix these kinks
But maybe it's the worst in me
That's bringing out the worst in you
I know we can fix these kinks
But the worst in me doesn't want to work on things
But the best of me wants to love you
But the worst in me doesn't want to

I won't hurt you again
If you won't, if you won't
But, baby, I won't lose you again
If you won't, if you won't

 

Remember when I used to be happy for you?"

I am having that on loop. Sigh. While he is on the road, stuck in a jam to get to me.

Oh well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My life is as it is.. never simple. Always complicated.

 

'Til next time.

 

Sarah Kambali 

#PretendingToWrite