Self-care is not Selfish.

Often, I write about my experience and what I go through. And most of the time in the utmost emotional sense possible. More often than not, I am not at a "zen" place OR the mood was disrupted to a point that I needed to jot it down somewhere.

Today's entry, I will try to lessen that negative emotions. Mainly because I am trying to start my healing process. Having said that, the ability to capture whatever it is that is disturbing or causing the trigger point of my depression, is a point of self-care too. So, let's get to a balance, shall we?

For a while now, I've been in a troubled state of mind. Always serabut (tangled). And I couldn't think straight or have done any self-care. But, from the period of September to date, I've been paying attention to things that needs attention; especially me.

I went to Singapore in September and Singapore in October. All without my husband. I threw care and overthinking in the wind. When I am here, we went for a few couple therapy sessions... until it didn't really worked as much, in my opinion. Some people, you can give them a floating device to stay afloat but still refuse to wear the floating device and would rather sink and/or drown. There is so much I can do. So, I've tried.

So, recently, I decided to not think about "US" anymore. It is time for me to think about "ME". Of course, this did step was not a revelation from therapy... but, I would say that the incidents and whatever discussions that I had to have with my therapist/counselor, helped quite a bit to my direction to be more independent of myself. 

And, that realization made it easier for me to deal with other environment/situations too. Family, Work and Friends. I no longer feel the need to make excuses for them for not including me, or making excuses for myself for not joining. I am ME.

Today, was my last session with my online therapist/counselor from RELATE (Google them. Quite good help). One was because my therapist had to continue pursuing her education and my decision to finally take off the training wheels. 

Our last session, we did a quick recap of everything that we discussed all these while. It was amazing the journey that I had gone through when we recap the whole scenario. My therapist/counselor had actually felt I had much improvement since the first time of our session.

I feel that the one hour sharing session with someone, made a lot of difference. We were able to discover what is it that I am really upset with or how to improve myself. 1 hour is a long time to be using... but, as the title of my blog, Self-Care is not Selfish.

It is time that I practice this on my own. 

P.S. Today, I had a good breakfast session with my two unimates at Pasar Besar TTDI. Also, had a good time with one of them at Sedap TTDI. All was of course recorded in my instagram and facebook. I suppose, if you are able to start off with good vibes, you will attract the good vibes. But, life is not a bed of roses. Never easy. I will have my downtime. I won't deny that. And I know, I will climb myself out of it too.

'Til next time.

Sarah Kambali

~pretending to write~